Identity Clinging Is Keeping You Small

Why Letting Go of Who You Were Opens the Door to Who You’re Becoming

I know what it feels like to cling to an identity that no longer fits. For years I was Mrs. Mista, the wife behind the Pitmaster. At the time, it gave me a sense of belonging. It was a role that came with recognition. When people saw me, they saw him, and in that moment I felt seen too.

But what started as a name of pride turned into a trap. I was no longer Phyllis. I wasn’t even myself in business. I was a sidekick in my own story, living through an identity that was safe but suffocating.

When the restaurant days ended and I stepped into strategy, I had to rip that identity off like a bandage. It was painful, but necessary. And that’s the truth I want to put on the table today: your old identity is choking your new vision. The longer you cling to it, the smaller your brand becomes.

What Identity Clinging Looks Like

Founders don’t cling to identities because they’re foolish. They cling because the role they played once worked. It brought them validation, money, or attention. But when you outgrow it, that same role becomes a weight around your neck.

Identity clinging shows up in all kinds of brand behavior:

• Holding onto outdated titles like CEO or attorney as proof of worth instead of leadership.

• Staying stuck in the role that got you started but can’t get you scaled.

• Over-giving or people-pleasing just to uphold an image you outgrew.

• Showing up in your messaging as who you were instead of who you’re becoming.

I see it all the time. A Founder who built their reputation being scrappy refuses to let go of the “grind” identity even after hitting multi-six figures. A consultant who was once a lawyer still clings to that title on every platform because it feels safer than owning their current voice.

The truth is, clinging looks like loyalty, but it’s really fear fucking with your brilliance.

Why Clinging Feels Safe but Isn’t

I clung to Mrs. Mista because it gave me a kind of power I hadn’t felt before. Folx lined up outside our restaurants, and I was part of the story. The name got me instant credibility. But credibility at the expense of my identity was a losing game.

Clinging feels safe because it’s predictable. You know how to behave in that role. You know what folx expect of you. And if you’ve built a brand around it, the temptation to stay locked in is even stronger. But safe doesn’t scale.

The longer you cling, the more you shrink. You stay trapped in what once worked, and your brand gets stuck in yesterday’s relevance.

The role you’re clinging to isn’t keeping you safe, it’s keeping you small.

The Desire for Idealism

On the other side of clinging is idealism. Not the fluffy, head-in-the-clouds bullshit folx like to dismiss. I’m talking about the kind of idealism that Founders need if they want to build empires.

Idealism is vision-led. It’s principle-driven. It’s the decision to build for who you’re becoming, not who you were.

For my clients and for myself, idealism shows up as three core desires:

• Independence – You don’t want to be defined by the roles others give you.

• Idealism – You want to build from vision, not validation.

• Tranquility – You want to run a business that feels like freedom, not a cage.

When I shed Mrs. Mista and embraced the Ghetto Country Brandmother®, I didn’t do it because it was easy. I did it because I desired something more ideal. A role that didn’t trap me in someone else’s shadow, but instead amplified my truth. Something that didn't turn my personal life into a side-show, but share what makes me a better Brandmother.

That’s the difference between surviving a role and leading with idealism.

The Clash – Clinging vs Leading

Here’s the real face-off:

• Identity Clinging is about fear of loss. It’s about ego preservation. It’s about shrinking to fit an image people already recognize.

• Idealism is about bold imagination. It’s about expansive growth. It’s about leading into the unknown with courage.

I’ve watched Founders cling to titles until their businesses suffocate. They refuse to rebrand because “this is what people know me as.” And so they stagnate. One of my first clients never activated her new brand because she couldn't and still hasn't let go of a 35+ year identity.

But then there are Founders who embrace idealism. They stop introducing themselves as “former this” or “ex that.” They start showing up as leaders of a vision, not prisoners of a role. Those are the brands that grow.

And here’s where my Founder-First Brand Architecture comes in. The Founder is the cornerstone of the house. If that cornerstone is stuck in the past, the whole house cracks. But if that cornerstone is set in idealism, the brand can expand without breaking.

Brand Behavior in Action

You can spot clinging and idealism in brand behavior without even looking hard.

• Messaging: “I’m still the…” vs “I’m leading into…”

• Presence: Defensive posture vs open courage.

• Offers: Serving yesterday’s audience vs building for tomorrow’s.

Ask yourself these diagnostic questions:

• Does your brand act like who you were, or who you’re becoming?

• Is your messaging a reflection of growth or a performance for the past?

• Are you designing offers that fit your future or just clinging to what sold last year?

If you answered more on the clinging side, it’s time to take a damn good look at your brand behavior.

Moving Toward Idealism

Breaking free of identity clinging isn’t about throwing your history away. It’s about refusing to let it chain you.

Here’s how to start moving toward idealism:

1. Redefine Your Role: Stop clinging to titles that make you look safe. Claim your philosophy instead. You’re not just a lawyer, a consultant, or a Founder. You’re a leader with a vision.

2. Align Your Brand Habits with Your Desires: Don’t let distortions like people-pleasing or over-giving drive your behavior. Anchor yourself in desires like independence, idealism, and tranquility.

3. Audit Your Identity Leaks: Look at your messaging, your offers, and your presence. Where are you performing an old identity instead of leading with your idealism?

Idealism is not about abandoning who you were. It’s about refusing to be caged by it.

When I shed Mrs. Mista and stepped into the Ghetto Country Brandmother, I didn’t just change a name. I changed the foundation of my brand. I stopped clinging to an identity that made me small and started leading with idealism that made me expansive.

That’s the move I want for you.

Your old identity is choking your new vision. It’s time to stop clinging and start leading with idealism. That’s how selfish personal brands become selfless business empires.