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A Good Brand Is Hard To Find

Thankfully A Good Man Supports It

This is a blog post I wrote but never published back in 2019 I think. It didn't seem to be an appropriate thing to share when I was still operating under CKO Creator. But now it seems to fit as a story for Brandma's House. It's not the origin story but my husband plays a major part in me being able to embrace my personal brand of the Ghetto Country Brandmother.

If not for the constant support of my husband and his allowances, I know my life would be a whole lot different. The original title was My Husband Allows Me Be A Strong Black Woman.

A photo of the Ghetto Country Brandmother and her husband . She has her head down , and her husband is shaving her head . They’re in a well-lit bathroom .

"Yesterday morning I was journaling frenzy. I was angry as hell. It was aimed at my husband and daughter about her school work from the day before. Morgan has been homeschooled for the last five years and it has not been easy.

Let me tell you a few things before I share why my husband "allows me" to be a strong black woman.

One of the requirements for homeschool is that the child have a dedicated learning coach in the home. For most of this journey that has been me. I'm also the disciplinarian of the family for what I consider the hard stuff.

I got home around 2pm the other day. Morgan still had not finished her schoolwork. I knew she was private browsing on Discord with her friends instead of doing her school work. When I called her own it she got ready to lie. I made it clear she had one chance. If she lied I there would be consequences and repercussions. She immediately came clean.

I yelled at her about being irresponsible and taking advantage. When I got done with her I turned to hurl some words at my couch napping husband. I yelled his name. "NEIL!"

He held his hand up to stop the words that were ready to fly from my lips.

"REALLY?" I yelled as I stood there for a few beats.

I felt the heat rise to my ears and knew that if I opened my mouth I would do serious damage to my long marriage. Instead I took my head of hateful language into our bedroom and slammed the door.

Now He Wants To Talk

When he decided he was ready to listen, he came into the room. I was still in a fuck you dude mood and would have none of it. He sat on the bed and said "Okay, go ahead." I didn't even turn in his direction when I told him, "Never mind."

Without missing a beat he said fine and left. My husband is not one for manipulation and games. Unlike me, he doesn't hold on to anger very long. The most infuriating part of this unfazed behavior is him talking to me as if everything is okay. He totally ignores that every syllable I speak is drips with venom.

So hell yea, I went to bed mad. It was that following morning I broke out my journal to vent the rest of the rage I was holding on too. Neil came back in the room before I finished.

I asked if I could read my words to him.

"No baby, that's your personal thoughts for you." I reminded him that we have no secrets so he said okay. When I finished, we talked about what I wrote. I'm a very transparent person and I asked him if I could share my journal entry on my writing site. He said no, which I understood and respected because I was not very kind in my writing.

Now here is the "ALLOW" part.

If not for that man being the strong, loving person that he is, I would fear sharing my journal entries with him. His support makes me want to share every facet of myself with him. He gives me the safe space to be transparent and vulnerable without fear of retribution, malice or anxiety. He is my safe space where I feel loved and honored even in my anger.

If you've read my story, you know there was a time I was a Pez dispenser for men out of fear of being unloved and unwanted. Being with my husband ALLOWS me to be courageous. He constantly reassures me that even after sixteen years of ebbs and flows he's not going anywhere. Even when I've threatened to leave him and Morgan. Even when I'm caught up in my feelings and think the would be better off without me he tells me I'm not going anywhere.

He is strong, amazing and unwavering without being domineering, forceful or retaliatory. His strength has carried me through two miscarriages, the loss of my sister, and the loss of both my parents. He's supported me to the point of agreeing to close our restaurants so that I could write that aforementioned story and become a certified business coach. He didn't waver when I said I wanted to move to a new state and we ended up in Oregon and he doesn't waver now."

This story belongs in Brandma's House because he help me become the Ghetto Country Brandmother®. When I feel exposed because the way I speak doesn't represent the education I have, I remember my husband loves me. When I'm judged by those who don't see being ghetto country as "professional", I remember my husband supports me. When I want to hide instead of represent my roots, my culture and my true being, I rest in the peace that he is proud of me.

He doesn't reside in Brandma's House but he laid the foundation for it. My true ride or die. This is why I separate my personal life from my personal brand. My family deserves to have Phyllis all to themselves. Yet and still I pour enough of me into the Ghetto Country Brandmother® to spread its effect.

That's the kind of support I try to live up to for my clients. It's the premises I base my Brand Ego® methodology on.

Click the link below to book a Brand Ego® Check because everyone is allowed to be courageous in Brandma's House.


Ghetto Country Brandmother®

Certified as a Brand Strategist, Business & Life Coach with a degree in Business. She is also a former bbq restaurant owner & certified bbq judge.

She is making it her personal mission to show entrevivalist™ how to connect the dots of their

life, brand & business one brandybaby® at a time.